“Minor” hurts every week that add up to a slow bleeding out of your soul. “He passed out on the couch again. Gross! The kids are going to see that. Why doesn’t he care?” Or, “There she is, I wonder what kind of drama I’m in for tonight.” “I wonder if he’ll choke on the vomit tonight.” “I wonder what he’ll be angry about today.” “Why doesn’t she love me? Or herself?” Years of this drama and uncertainty can really hurt in the long run and really change who YOU are! Sometimes you are so busy hanging on to your relationship that you don’t realize that you have changed deeply.
When you’re ready. When you feel like you’ve exhausted all possibilities. When you feel like you’ve done everything you can. When you are miserable. When you are crying every week. When you feel that your behavior has changed due to their behavior. When you feel like you are no longer yourself. When you feel you can’t possibly be your best self around your kids. When the slightest little thing hurts because you’ve completely lost perspective and become a ball of hurt. When you find that you are constantly “setting the reset button”. When you are afraid of the next drama. When you want to get off the rollercoaster. When you want to protect yourself, your kids, your job. When you’ve tried everything else and you are ready.
In this roadmap, there are some places you are going to want to go before you end your relationship/marriage. It’s important to take each path and try whatever you can. However, as always, if you or your children are in physical danger you must flee by any means necessary.
You are going to need to go on an emotional path in order to get out of the fog. This is how you gain a more objective view and some separation from all the hurt surrounding your situation.
You are going to need to go on a spiritual path in order pray for yourself, your family and the abuser. This is much more essential then it seems on the surface.
You are going to need to go on a growth path with the help of counseling/therapy in order to find your voice and determine what the way forward is.
You are going to need to go on a separation path in order to affect a change in your life unless dramatic change comes from the abuser.
You are going to need to go on a recovery path if you do separate from the abuser.
I’m hoping to provide some tips … that’s all.
Get help from a counselor/therapist of some type. It could be a faith based counselor, a family counselor, a marriage counselor. You don’t have to have a goal in mind! You may feel that from your point of view that there is no hope. And you may be correct, but sometimes we need help ending something. You may feel afraid that if you take this step it could be the beginning of the end. That may be correct. But you have try something! Something has to change. As much as you may want to hold on or want certain aspects of your relationship, you know that something has to change. You don’t have to have a plan or know the outcome, just move on it.
How were you before? How did other people see you? What did you like about yourself? What did you accomplish? That person is still you! You may have put yourself in survival mode in order to get along and try to be happy, or make someone else happy, or sacrifice for the kids sake. But, who you are is still in there! Gather pictures of yourself. Write about who you are in a journal or notes. Talk to old friends. Who do you want to be? Remember who you are!
Get Out Roadmap 